I am sorry that I am in this picture.
by Mo Martin
In an interview years later, Sheldon Cairn, the in-house advertising manager for United Energies between 2011 and 2025, said, “Now, everyone things of Fuel-Man as a real last ditch effort, a sorta hail-mary pass to save the image of fossil fuels. And if they even remember the temporary success of the campaign, they think that all ended with that folderol in 2012.” By “that folderol”, Cairn is of course referring to the investigation that revealed the Fuel-Man additions to United Energies gas stations were responsible for nearly tripling carbon emissions for the states they were placed in, and that the trademark “Fuel-Man Hustle” dance alone was considered responsible for a noted increase in the hole in the ozone layer over the polls. The Fuel-Man campaign was discontinued shortly after the report was released. “But they forget,” Cairn continued, “how incredibly popular the image had become. After the name change, the merchandising rights were a huge source of income for UE, and quite the feather in my cap.” Cairn split ways with the company decades later, when he was exposed as the main link between UE and the notorious November 29th country-wide attacks on windmills.